To: Mr Brad
From: Wong Weijun
Date: September 8, 2016
Subject: Self Introduction
Dear Brad,
Allow me to introduce myself. I am Wong Weijun, currently a first year student in Sustainable Infrastructure Engineering(Land) at Singapore Institute of Technology. I like playing sports and travelling to other countries to learn more about their cultures and lifestyles.
My goal for studying in this SIT programme is to acquire the knowledge and necessary skills to prepare myself in the workforce. In addition, I hoped to make Singapore a more comfortable place to live in by putting what i have learned to use. My aim in the future is to be a professional engineer.
Yours sincerely,
Wong Weijun
[Commented on Fira's Formal Email Writing]
[Commented on Kaylin's Formal Email Writing]
Thank you, Weijun, for this clear, concise and well presented email. As for offering constructive criticism, my main suggestion would be for you to check the paragraphing. Should this be one paragraph or two?
ReplyDeleteThere may also be a very minor problem with your use of this phrase: from Singapore Institute of Technology. I would probably write as follows: at the Singapore Institute of Technology.
Hi Weijun,
ReplyDeleteThank you for effort in writing this formal email to Brad. It was a delight to read about self-introduction and getting to know you better. Just as what Brad stated in his comment, you should check on your paragraphing of your email and separate all of the main points in different paragraphs so that Brad will have a clear view on your points. Also, I would like to point out that you could elaborate more on your interests and goals and give us a clearer view about yourself.
All in all, your writing is clear and easy to read and you have a smooth sentence structure pattern. I look forward to knowing more about you in class as time goes.
Thank you!